Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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