I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize