i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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