I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
