she woke up with a sticky ear
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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