How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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