it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
nutella sex= disaster
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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