i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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