I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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