We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize