yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
