he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
