new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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