hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Randomize
