One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
