Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
