Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize