Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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