It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
only if we run a train.
done.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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