So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
