It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize