omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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