Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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