so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
