Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
