so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
