I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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