You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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