so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
