i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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