he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize