babies were throwing up all over the place
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
