I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
