in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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