i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This is the high leading the old right now
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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