I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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