After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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