OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
