I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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