When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
