Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
