Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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