My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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