He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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