Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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