You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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