10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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