I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have fence marks all over my body
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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