So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
