i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
