you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
