Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
