I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
