I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
