Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
