Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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