Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
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