I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
