He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
