He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
