so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
