I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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