My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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