I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
