Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I intend to get homeless drunk
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
