no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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