Duck Duck Cougar?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
