He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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