I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
