WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
