I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
