Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
