He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
