Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
you made out with another girl for some wings
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
